I used to have a friend who’d say, “Dating is nothing but a numbers game.” She believed that going on more dates was equivalent to a higher likelihood of falling in love. However well-intentioned it may be, it flies in the face of a major factor essential to an introvert’s well-being—alone time. So yes, you will have times when sitting across from another human being, you’ll feel you’d rather pull out your molars without Novocaine than think of another word to say to this person. I feared if I declined, I would be passing up on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You will have days when unexpected issues arise at work, your cat gets sick, a family member calls with an emergency, or a friend emails with the last-minute favor to which you have to say yes because they helped you out last week.
It might sound pretty reasonable when you first hear it except for the fact that it’s utter bullshit. It took me years of dating before I finally started ignoring this type of “practical” advice. For introverts, first dates are minefields of small talk and mindless chatter. if a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one to hear it, would this date be just as bad? As a result, I spent the following weekend on the couch, exhausted, spiraling down the rabbit hole of a bad television binge, barely able to peek around the door when the delivery guy dropped off my take-out. If you have a date scheduled that evening and you just can’t go, so be it.
I give a lot of advice on going out and meeting people that involves going out and being as social as possible, which is great if you’re naturally an outgoing person (or willing to fake it).
Sure, it’s relatively simple to meet strangers at parties and bars…
"I prefer to go to a place I knew or had been to before.
It made me more comfortable knowing the area, what kind of food there was, etc., so I could focus on the person and talking to them rather than the atmosphere or what I would order." —Stephanie Combs, Facebook "Go to events your more extroverted friends invite you to.
and the first and foremost is the mistaken idea that introverts are somehow shy or have social anxieties."My best relationships were with people who understood this and stayed close and attentive so I don't feel so lost in the swarm." Bill Corbett, Connecticut-based speaker and author of , explains."Groups of people, especially large ones, drain the energy from an introvert.An introvert is – very simply – someone who’s personal energy (physical as well as mental) tends to be drained by social interaction and recharged through more solitary pursuits.Introverts tend to prefer, or even thrive in, more solitary activities rather than dealing with large groups of people.There’s a problem with the one-size-fits-all wisdom commonly intoned during dating discussions (“Just put yourself out there! After jumping through the hoops of answering questions such as “where are you from? ” one too many times, you start feeling that dates are no longer probable sources of a deep, meaningful relationship, but rather deep, dark pits of despair. You tend to be sucked of all your energy as if you’ve been set upon by a Harry Potter dementor. Don’t feel the need to go into some long, drawn-out explanation either.